It’s PASS testing week in SC so that means calm work days filled with quiet classrooms and some silent reading time for teachers. I happen to be administering the test to 5 7th grade students who require taking the test in a small group and oral administration. Translation: I read the test to them. Every. Single. Word. All the long stories, all the answer choices, all the math problems; all of it! I will not complain, however, as this is a step down from my duties last year- test proctor/scribe. That’s right, my friends. Not only did I read the normal directions to the student, monitor for cheating (a piece of cake considering there was only 1 student in my office), but I also had to write word-for-word, everything for this poor student who broke his arm the week before the test. Not once, not twice, but 3 times! Remind me to thank those wonderful test makers for adding the essay portion, will ya?? Did I mention the entire test was tape-recorded? Oh what a delightful 3 days that was!
Anyway, what does all of this have to do with being a mommy? Well, while my darling students were contemplating answers and diligently looking back through their boring, irrelevant articles to make the “best answer choice”, I got in a little reading. My choices for today included my May “Proverbs 31 Ministries” magazine and my May “Parenting” magazine. I found 1 article in the Prov. 31 magazine particularly interesting –“I Want to be a Mommy”. My desire this entire school year can pretty much be summed up in that one, little sentence. Yes, I know, I am already a mommy and for those of you who have been pushing for a #2 (ahem, those little birdies who have planted in my sweet, innocent child’s head that she wants a baby sister and claim that you “don’t know where she gets these things”…you know who you are) to you I say simmer down; that’s not what I’m talking about.
I became a school speech therapist with the idea that I would work full time for a few years and go part-time when Jeff and I were blessed with children. Well we all know things don’t always go according to our plans and that blessing came a little sooner than originally thought and financially Jeff and I weren’t prepared for me to go part-time just yet. We are blessed to have both of our families close to us and Jeff’s mom so graciously offered to make sweet memories with our little miracle while Jeff and I worked. The first year of this arrangement felt right. Lucy blossomed, grew, and became the genius she is today with so much credit given to her patient, loving, and oh so fun Memaw. However, Lucy and I just had too much fun last summer. We took trips together and cooked and had mini spa days, just to name a few. It was delightful to wake up with her each morning (maybe a little earlier than I would have liked during the summer) and discover something new together. As the summer ended, I dreaded going back to school. Not because I didn’t want to see my students or because I don’t find fulfillment at work, but because I wanted to be the one to teach Lucy and help her grow. She was just starting preschool and already I had missed so much.
After the 1st week of school, I came home and told Jeff, “This is it. Next year, I will go part-time.” He and I had been working hard at getting ourselves out of debt for a year at that point and, by our calculations, by the end of the school year, we would be completely free of consumer debt and I would be able to work only part-time. (I am very grateful for a husband who listens to my desires and shares my goals for our family. Thanks Mr.)
So, it was settled…but I still wasn’t content. I had read (and continue to read) many books about what it means to be a mother and I started feeling like part-time wasn’t the answer. I was clearly feeling God say, “Other people’s children are important, but your child needs you more”. I struggled with this so much because I felt very selfish- I spend my time with children everyday whose parents are too busy, uninterested, and just don’t care about the well-being of their children. How am I supposed to leave these children? Wouldn't that be like saying, I don't care either? I prayed and I read books and studied Prov. 31 and Titus 2. After much deliberation, it was clear; I needed to stay home. Now to just break that little news to Jeff and his mom. I prayed about that too and on my birthday, he came to me and said, “I’ve been kind of thinking about you staying home full time next year.” Talk about affirmation (and a great birthday present)! Many of you know the job changes/moving that unfolded over the next few months so the issue was not telling my mother-in-law about my new career choice, but instead, of taking Lucy an hour an a half away from her. Let me reiterate how blessed I am to have such kind, compassionate, and supportive in-laws who have demonstrated (and continue to demonstrate) their love over and over through all of our changes these past 8 months. They never focused on their loss but rather, our gain and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Back to the article- I read a cute story about a mother at her 5-year old’s graduation from kindergarten. As each child walked across the stage to receive his/her “diploma,” the teacher followed the reading of the child’s name with their future occupation. A doctor, fireman, and policeman were some of the professions listed. One of the dear little girls stated her future profession is a mommy. The author noted that a few of the parents laughed but she was taken by this 1 child who saw being a mommy as a profession. Of course, there are people who don’t agree and who wonder, “What does a stay at home mom do all day?” To them, I say, “Please, come spend 1 hour with my spirited Lucy.” I was raised with a working mom and the understanding that it’s important for woman to have an education and have something to fall back on in case, God forbid, something happen and my salary be imperative for my family. I am grateful for the education that I have (maybe not the thousands still left to pay for my graduate degree) and for parents who pushed me to learn all that I can and made sacrifices for my education. I will do the same for Lucy. I am confident that I will be far busier working at home each day than I ever am at school and I am certain staying home with Lucy is the absolute best decision for our family right now. It will take sacrifices (which you will read of in later posts) but I am up for the challenge and just cannot tell you how anxious I am for June 4th (my last day of school). 17 days to go!!!
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